We are well versed in the funeral customs and rituals of every faith, and every ethnic group. Michelotti-Sawyers offers the most personal and most complete services including:

• Traditional services for earth burial or entombment
• Cremation with or without memorial services
• Personalization options, including memory boards and memory tables
• Private family gathering before the visitation begins
• Visitations at the funeral home, church, or other locations
• Arrangements for Military Honors
• Preplanning services, with or without payment
• Assistance with filing for Insurance, Social Security Benefits, Veterans Benefits, and Pension Benefits.

We understand that arranging a funeral is not a welcome task for anyone.

Some even question if funerals are really necessary or desirable. We joke about the fact that we see each other only at weddings and funerals. Both events are milestones in our lives, like birthdays and other important occasions. We observe them because they fulfill certain very strong human needs.

There are compelling reasons why funerals matter. Whether you choose a traditional or a contemporary ceremony, a funeral provides a profound experience that ultimately aids in grieving process.

Funerals bring together friends and family whose support and compassion gives us comfort and perspective. They help us express our grief in a safe setting. They help us remember. They help us understand and accept the fact that a death has occurred and that it is time to commemorate our loved one and say farewell. They help us share memories, tributes, and appreciation for the life of the deceased. They help us acknowledge the reality of death, allow for the expression of faith, provide us with a sense of continuity-that life goes on, and they allow us to encourage our acceptance of loss and help us to heal.

Virtually everyone who comforts family and friends at a visitation and attends a funeral experiences a profound sense of their importance and helpfulness.

Funerals are bridges of transition. As time passes, we appreciate more fully the relationship that endures. We see that the words spoken, tributes offered and feelings experienced at the visitation and funeral helps us reach place of fond memory and appreciation for the person who dies and for the life of that person that we celebrate.

We believe that conducting funerals is a sacred trust, and we keep this trust uppermost in mind when serving you.

Talking to Children about Death

Good Grief: What Is It?

The following is based on material prepared by child bereavement expert, Maria Trozzi, M.Ed., for parents, relatives and other adults who have an opportunity to help bereaved children and adolescents. According to Ms. Trozzi, when a death occurs, adults can play an important role. No matter the circumstances of the death, it challenges the coping skills of youngsters. Early attention to their needs makes it possible to keep them psychologically healthy and prevents the development of future emotional problems. This information should help you raise young people who are able to deal with loss in a healthy way – a way that will make their grief “Good Grief.”

The Four Tasks of Mourning

*As described in 1985 by the late Dr. Sandra Fox, founder of the Good Grief Program Model.

In order for grief to be “good grief,” bereaved children and adolescents must accomplish four psychological tasks. Young children who develop coping skills that help them with these tasks will be well-prepared for losses that occur throughout their life. The four tasks are:

 Understanding  Grieving  Commemorating  Going on

Understanding

To understand, a person must be able to make sense of death in general and of a particular death. It’s best to provide an honest explanation that can be developed as the child grows and matures. Children’s questions will usually indicate the amount and level of information they want to know.

Three predictable factors interfere with young people’s ability to accomplish the task of understanding.

1. Defining Death for Children
The best and most basic way to explain death is to simply say, “The body stops working.” This definition fits what children observe when they see a dead animal. The bird can no longer fly or sing. In the same way, Grandpa can no longer drive his car, breathe, talk or go fishing. Young people have a literal, concrete style of thinking, so avoid comparing death with sleeping, expiring, kicking the bucket, pushing up the daisies, or other euphemisms that will confuse them.

2. Development of Children’s Understanding of Death and Dying
Young people’s understanding of death and dying changes as they grow and mature. Age parameters vary, but most pass through a sequence of developmental stages. There are several reference materials available from your funeral director, local library or Internet that can provide the details on each stage.

3. Magical Thinking
Children believe they have the power to make things happen in the world. They often believe death is the result of something they did or didn’t do, think or say. For example, if they say, “drop dead” to a person who later dies, they are sure they caused the death.

Grieving

Normal grief includes both sadness and anger. A young person’s specific style of grieving will depend on such things as their age, relationship to the person who died and suddenness of the death. Each will grieve in his/her own way and at his/her own time if we make that possible. We must be careful not to convey there is only one “right way.” Normal acute grief for adults can take two to three years. This is when they finally feel that while the world will not be the same, they can still go on. For children, grieving lasts longer. Although they grieve in short spurts, most will still be actively grieving through adolescence.

Commemorating

When a friend or family member dies, youngsters must find some way to formally or informally remember the person. Such activity confirms the reality of the death and the value of life. It is important that young people be included in the planning for formal (a wake, funeral, etc.) or informal (share a momento, launch balloons, etc.) commemoration activities/events

Going On

When children and adolescents have accomplished the tasks of understanding, grieving and commemorating, they often need specific permission – spoken out loud – to “go on.” Going on needs to be differentiated from “forgetting” and from criticism that can seem to be implied in such a description. When a youngster seems unable to “go on,” it is useful to review the tasks in reverse order. If one can determine where a child is “stuck,” it is often possible to help youngsters move forward with their grief, so it can be good grief.

Ways to Help Bereaved Children

1. Recognize your own feelings. Think about your own experiences with loss, separation and death. They may have an impact on your ability to help young people with their grief.
2. Share the fact of death. Provide age appropriate information about what happened and what rituals will occur. Be aware of the four psychological tasks.
3. Be aware of issues that make a specific child vulnerable. These include such things as too many recent losses, being the best friend or worst enemy of the person who has died, or having had some actual responsibility for the death. A prompt referral to a mental health center may be a good idea.
4. Address the child’s fears and fantasies. Be particularly aware of those that grow out of magical thinking and reflect an inappropriate sense of responsibility for the death.
5. Discuss issues specific to the situation. Children may want to talk about illness, about violence or suicide, about alcohol and drug use, or about troubled adults who hurt children. They may want to know about wakes and funerals, about cremation and burial, or about ethnic and cultural diversity in death rituals.
6. Support young people as they grieve. Provide an environment where grieving is safe and accepted. Talk specifically about the appropriateness of sadness and anger. Share your own grief, being sure they know they have not caused your tears or anger.
7. Remember the person who died and help young people participate. Commemorative activities may go on over a period of time.
8. Use teachable moments to begin or continue a program to help young people learn about death and dying. Daily activities and more dramatic life events provide many opportunities to talk about death and dying and about grief and loss.

Good Grief

When children and adolescents deal with a loss, the resulting grief can be turned into good grief. The key is preparing them to deal with their intense grief and loss. Death challenges our coping skills. Turning a child’s grief to good grief creates coping mechanisms that will help them be prepared for losses that occur in life.

We hope the information provided has been helpful.

We are committed to assisting you with all your cremation and funeral service questions and needs. Please don’t hesitate to contact us for a complete brochure or more detailed information on this and other topics.

Funerals are for the Living

(This article has been posted with permission from the author, Lois Duncan. Reprinted from the March 1986 edition of "Women's Day".)

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The first funeral I ever attended was my mother's. I was an adult and the mother of three at the time. I grew up in a family that protected children from death. Three grandparents died while I was a child, but my brother and I didn't go to the funerals. Our parents didn't want us traumatized by seeing their grief.

My maternal grandmother died in Florida when I was twenty. By then I was married and living on the West Coast. I had just had a baby and my parents were strongly opposed to my making the long trip home. "Grandma knew you loved her", Mother said. "You don't have to prove that by attending the funeral." She told me the service would be short and the casket closed. "Grandma would want us to remember her as she was alive."

Those words echoed in my mind as I arranged my own mother's funeral. I never saw my mother's corpse and I never allowed anyone else to. When well-meaning friends began arriving at the funeral home to "view the remains", I was horrified. I insisted the casket be kept closed, the way I knew Mother would have wanted it. I was never totally convinced she was in it.

Today over fifteen years later, I still am not convinced. I have frequent dreams of receiving a telegram announcing that Mother has finally been located and that the report of a fatal heart attack was incorrect. I awake from those dreams confused. Then, as reality takes over, I am overwhelmed by a rush of pain as raw and all consuming as it was on the day she died.

After Mother's death, my mother-in-law - always a good friend - became an even more important source of emotional support. We lived too far apart to see each other on a day-to-day basis, but we exchanged weekly letters and talked on the phone regularly. Every summer my husband and I took our children to visit their grandmother, and we all spend two happy weeks being nurtured by "Nana".

Three years ago my mother-in-law died suddenly. My husband and I were in a state of shock when we flew to Michigan for her funeral. Our younger children, then nine and twelve, stayed home with a sitter. Conditioned, as I was to restrained and private grieving, I was stunned by the extravaganza of funeral activities that my husband's family regarded as normal.

There was a mass turnout for the coffin selection. Mom's four sons, her daughters-in-law and most of her grandchildren trooped through the funeral parlor, squabbling over the relative merits of caskets. Then we went back to Mom's tiny house and everybody fought about the wording of the obituary, how Mom's hair would be styled for the wake and whether a twelve-year-old grandson should be a pallbearer. All I could think was, "How barbaric!"

The formal farewell to my mother-in-law lasted three days. It started on a Monday when friends and relatives invaded the funeral home. Especially distressing to me was the sight of small children, dressed in party clothes, being paraded past the open casket. Everybody sobbed for five hours. The saving grace, as I saw it, was that I had not subjected our children to such chaos.

On Tuesday the visitation process was repeated, but the turmoil was somewhat less; most people had wept themselves dry the night before. We talked fondly of Mom and how we'd miss her. Her cousins told funny stories about her childhood. Eventually conversation turned to other subjects. Relatives who hadn't seen each other for years compared notes on marriages, births and divorces. The kids ran out to play tag in the entrance hall. At some point, each of us went to the casket to pay a duty call, but nobody lingered.

By Wednesday the funeral home had developed an almost party like atmosphere. The adults stood around the casket discussing everything from politics to baseball. Mom's teenage grandchildren compared favorite rock bands, while her great-grandchildren used the edge of the coffin as a racetrack for Hot Wheels cars.

I went over to the casket and looked down at my mother-in-law. To my surprise, I felt in control of my emotions. I had grown used to the figure in the box - and to the fact that it was only a shell that once had encased a person I loved. I felt a bond with the others that had gathered to say goodbye. In three days, we had travelled together through the stages of grief - shock, denial, outrage, bitterness - and had come, at last, to the final one: acceptance.

My husband and I returned home and fell back easily into the normal pattern of our lives. I will not pretend that we didn't feel the loss. Every time I went to the mailbox, it seemed strangely empty. I kept thinking of things to share with my mother-in-law, particularly news about her grandchildren. I felt frustrated by my inability to send her messages. I did not, however, awake shrieking her name in the night. And although my husband dreamed about his mother often, the dreams were not painful. There were, instead, pleasant interludes of nostalgic reminiscence in which Mom baked his favorite pie or played the piano at a family gathering. He was able to enjoy his memories for what they were - treasured recollections of times that would not recur.

For our children, this has not been the case. Their grandmother's death is not a reality to them. Last Christmas, our youngest daughter bought Nana a present - "I saw this and I know how much she likes blue." Our teenage son, preparing to fly to Michigan for the wedding of a cousin said, "I hope he brings Nana to the airport." "Honey, Nana is dead," I said gently. "I forgot," he responded sheepishly.

Our children are not stupid. On an intellectual level, they know their grandmother is dead. On a emotional level, however, they "forget". In their hearts, they harbor the belief that she is in hiding and will someday pop our, shouting "Surprise!"

Since my mother-in-law's death, I have discussed funerals with several psychologists, all of whom agree that their function is not just to honor the deceased but to aid survivors in purging themselves of grief. Like other rites of passage - graduations, weddings, retirement parties - funerals help us adjust to major life transitions.

I now believe that I did our children an injustice by not giving them the opportunity to come to grips with the death of their grandmother at her funeral. In my effort to shelter them from pain, I may have left open an emotional door that they'll have to struggle for years to close. I do not intend to make the same mistake the next time a loved one dies.

Pre-arrangement

Pre-arrangement is the planning of funeral service details and selection of merchandise in advance of need.
Why Pre-arrange?

Peace of Mind

Many who have undergone the emotional strain of arranging a funeral within hours of losing a loved one have made the choice to pre-plan their own funeral. Doing so lifts the burden from their loved ones by relieving decision-making pressure at a time of grief and emotional stress.

Personal Choice

Funeral arrangements are a deeply personal choice. Pre-planning provides you with the time needed to make practical, detailed decisions that reflect your standards, lifestyle, taste and budget. And we assure you and your family that the choices you make will be carried out as planned.

Costs

When you finalize your plan, we can advise you of the total cost. By ensuring that the necessary funds are set aside, you help relieve yourself of unnecessary future worry and your survivors of an unexpected expense.
By pre-arranging you will:

Have the peace of mind that comes from knowing your loved ones will be spared from having to make difficult decisions at a time of deep personal loss, a time when you are not prepared.
Protect life insurance and additional assets for uses other than funeral expenses.
Guarantee the quality of service that you feel is most appropriate for you.
Assure and guarantee that desired services will be provided even though funds may be eventually depleted due to Medicaid requirements.

What Are The Types Of Pre-arrangement?
A) Irrevocable Trust

This trust meets the requirements for Medicaid assistance. There is no limit placed on the amount that can be set aside. All interest accumulates to the trust. At the time of death Michelotti-Sawyers Mortuary will withdraw the funds and apply them to the funeral expenses. (There is no penalty for early withdrawal when the funds are used for funeral expenses.) Any excess of funds will be returned to the estate unless the trust balance exceeds $5000.00. If this is the case, any funds not spent are to be turned over to Medicaid. If the trust has not accumulated enough interest to offset any increase in prices the family will be asked to makeup the difference.
B) Revocable Trust

The revocable trust can be cashed in at anytime. All interest accumulates to the trust. As with the irrevocable trust any excess of funds will be returned. If the trust does not cover all the expenses the family will be asked to makeup the difference.
C) Guaranteed Price Funeral Trust

When a person has preplanned all aspects of their funeral including casket type and services they may purchase those items at today's prices. The funds are placed in an irrevocable trust with the interest to accumulate to the trust. At the time of death the trust account and interest is turned over to Michelotti-Sawyers Mortuary and the prearranged services are carried out as contracted.
D) Burial Insurance

Life insurance can also be used to fund prearranged funeral plans. If this interests you, please let us have our representative contact you.

A Helpful Guide to Funeral Planning

Creating a Meaningful Tribute to a Life Lived

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Sound decisions are based on good information.

This is especially true when planning your own funeral orthat of a family member or friend. The following outlines some basic information about the types of funerals availableand the many ways a funeral director can provide assistance. It should help answer some of your questions andencourage you to ask others. Most important, it should help you make informed choices when arranging the type of personalized funeral service that will truly celebrate a life that has been lived to the fullest.

Pre-Arranging a Funeral Service

More and more people are pre-arranging their own funerals to help ease emotional or financial strain on their families at the time of need. Once you have selected a funeral director and reviewed options, the next step in pre-planning your funeral should be to meet with your family and talk to them about the type of funeral you want. Next, arrange a conference with your funeral director, including your family members if you wish, to review and formalize your plans in writing. Review your plans periodically, and update them as you feel necessary. Finally, have your funeral director explain funding options. Funding a pre-arranged funeral service is a choice many people make to ease a future financial burden on family members.

Selecting a Funeral Director

When selecting a funeral director, talk with as many people as necessary to get a feeling for the personal qualities you prefer. Consider the funeral director’s:
 Experience Ability to answer all your questions
 Reputation Ability to clearly explain and provide a range of prices that are within your means

We also encourage you to consider the quality of the funeral firm and its ability to accommodate the needs of your family; don’t hesitate to inspect facilities. Ultimately, you should select the funeral director with whom you are most comfortable – the person you find to be patient, compassionate, open-minded and understanding.

Funeral Director Services

When a death occurs, a number of items require simultaneous attention. Regardless of the day or hour, your funeral director is prepared to respond to your needs and assist with all the details, such as:
 taking custody of and caring for the body
 securing all necessary permits and death certificates
 coordinating details with your designated clergy member
 arranging and setting in motion your funeral plans
 notifying friends and relatives, fraternal and other organizations, casket bearers, your attorney, etc. There are many other services your funeral director may provide. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.

Selecting Funeral Service Preferences and Options

A funeral service gives family and friends the opportunity to gather and publicly celebrate and reflect on the ife of a loved one, as well as draw strength and support from each other. No single type of funeral service is right for everyone. A funeral director’s goal is to help plan a personalized and meaningful tribute. When selecting funeral service options, you may wish to meet with the funeral director alone or with a trusted advisor present. You should feel comfortable discussing your feelings, preferences and options.

Disposition Alternatives

Your funeral director will inform you about the types of disposition – the final handling of the deceased’s remains – and help you make the appropriate choice.

Earth Burial

The most popular form of interment, earth burial requires a cemetery plot and usually includes additional costs, such as fees for opening and closing the grave. Monuments or makers – available in a variety of materials, styles and prices – are typically placed at the grave as a memorial.

Above Ground Burial

Entombment requires purchasing a crypt within a mausoleum specifically designed for that purpose.

Cremation

If above ground burial is preferred, the urn may be placed in a niche within a columbarium – a building designed specifically for this purpose. For earth burial, the urn may be buried within a cemetery. Your funeral director can explain other alternatives and assist in making arrangements. If you choose cremation, all other funeral services – visitation, viewing of the body and funeral service – still can be conducted.

Funeral Costs

A funeral service, in its broadest sense, includes professional services of the funeral director and other staff, use of the funeral home’s facilities and vehicles, and related items, such as caskets or urns. We will provide you with a general price list, and you should feel free to speak frankly about costs. We maintain a wide selection of funeral items (some described below), and your funeral director will help you select only those you need or want.

Caskets

There are a variety of caskets available to meet your needs. Each offers a range of features and degrees of craftsmanship.

Vaults

Most cemeteries require the casket be placed in a burial vault – an outer enclosure that adds protection for the casket and keeps the ground above it from settling. Burial vaults are typically made of reinforced concrete with a nonporous lining or galvanized metal. Stainless steel or copper vaults also are available.

Urns

When cremation is the choice, the remains will be placed in your choice of a permanent container. As with caskets, urns are available in a wide range of materials, styles and prices.

Financial Assistance

Your funeral director can assist with examining and securing a number of funeral expense payment and financial assistance possibilities, such as:
 Social Security
 Veterans Benefits
 Union or Employee Pension Funds
 Insurance
 Fraternal Order or Professional Groups
 Worker’s Compensation

We hope the information provided has been helpful.

We are committed to assisting you with all your cremation and funeral service questions and needs. Please don’t hesitate to contact us for a complete brochure or more detailed information on this and other topics.

Practical Information for Survivors

Following the death of a spouse, child, family member or friend, survivors face a number of challenges — some of them emotional, others practical — that must be dealt with in order to move on with their lives. Handling an estate is one of those challenges. The following information should help you identify and understand options and general procedures you should consider when organizing your affairs and making personal changes after the loss.

Collecting Benefits

Life Insurance

First, locate all known life insurance policies and then contact the deceased’s former employer to determine if survivors’ benefits from a group insurance plan also are available. In addition this is a good time for a surviving spouse to review any life insurance policies currently in force and update/correct them as necessary.

Social Security

If eligible, benefits may be available for survivors but you must apply for benefits
Call or stop by a local Social Security Administration office or visit www.ssa.gov for full details

Veterans Benefits

If the deceased was an honorably discharged veteran, your funeral director will help file for funeral expense benefits from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (www.vba.va.gov)

Pensions & Retirement Accounts

You may be eligible for a monthly or lump-sum benefit from a pension or retirement account in which your spouse was vested (guaranteed payment). Contact the former employer or a Civil Service Commission office and also check with unions and/or other professional and fraternal organizations to determine if benefits exist.

Organizing Your Affairs

Bank and Savings & Loan Accounts

Jointly owned bank and savings & loan accounts usually transfer directly to a surviving spouse. When there is no surviving spouse, or when an estate’s probate value is substantial, some institutions may freeze accounts or holdings until the proper inheritors are identified and claim them.

Business Assets

If specific instructions for distribution of business assets were not included in the deceased’s will, survivors should carefully review all options. Do not feel pressured to “sell out” without legal and/or financial advice.

Charge Accounts

To cancel or modify a charge account, all credit cards in the deceased’s name should be returned to the institution or company which issued them, along with a memo noting the death.

Health Insurance

If the deceased participated in a group medical plan, check with the employer to determine if part or all of the benefits may be converted to family members and what the cost would be.

Home Mortgages & Outstanding Loans

Contact institutions holding home mortgages or other outstanding loans to complete necessary actions.

Medicare & Medicaid

Medicare and Medicaid are the U.S. Social Security Administration’s hospital and medical insurance programs. Survivors should contact their insurance agent for an evaluation of insurance options.

Trust Funds

Trust funds are most often arranged with a bank officer and attorney, who should be contacted about the administration of such funds

Motor Vehicles

Most states and provinces have procedures for transferring the title and registration of a vehicle. Upon receiving a vehicle, an inheritor assumes financial responsibility for any loans, taxes and insurance.

Pre-Arranging Your Funeral Service

Many people preplan their funerals in a sincere effort to help their families. Pre-arranging lets you select the type of service you want and be assured that adequate funds are available when needed. Contact us for an appointment to discuss the process.

Safety Deposit Boxes

Upon notification of a death, most banks automatically “seal” a safety deposit box so its contents can be evaluated for tax purposes. Check to find out the procedure for claiming items.

Wills (updating or writing)

To preserve the estate and direct its future distribution, a surviving spouse should have a will or modify an existing one in consultation with an attorney.

Settling an Estate

Wills, Letters of Instruction & Estate Records

If a will, letter of instruction or estate record was prepared, finding necessary documents will be fairly easy. If none of these exist, start reviewing the person’s checkbook, cancelled checks or related records for leads to mortgages, loans, charge accounts, and other assets/debts which need to be closed or transferred. Also look for records of regular special income, such as rents. Checking the deceased’s mail for the next year is recommended so no assets or liabilities are overlooked.

Probate

Probate determines the validity of a will, provides protection for children, ensures payment to legitimate creditors and distributes remaining assets to rightful heirs. Generally, assets that are not jointly owned are subject to probate, including real estate, checking and savings accounts, securities, safety deposit box contents, and business holdings and related assets. Because probate proceedings can be lengthy and detailed, the advice and services of an attorney are recommended.

Taxes
(Federal Estate, Inheritance & Final Personal Income)

Since tax codes change, the services of an attorney and/or accountant are recommended for handling federal estate and inheritance tax issues. If the deceased was employed or received any taxable income, final personal income tax returns must be filed on or before April 15th of the following year. At that time, the surviving spouse’s filing status also should be changed.

We hope the information provided has been helpful.

We are committed to assisting you with all your cremation and funeral service questions and needs. Please don’t hesitate to contact us for a complete brochure or more detailed information on this or other topics.

Helpful Links

• Social Security
  The official website of the U.S. Social Security Administration.
• Medicare And Medicaid Services
  CMS Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services
• Veterans Administration
  U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs
• National Cemetery Administration
  Burial and Memorial Benefits
• Military Records Archive
  Request Military Discharge Papers
• Yellowstone County Clerk and Recorder
  Death Certificate Copies